I have an urgent request for you: Please run for president!
Let me put it another way: Please, please, please, please run for president!
I’m begging you. I will not ask you to do anything else for the rest of the year, I promise. I just need you to run for president and save America from Biden-Trump 2.0. We suffered through it in 2020 and, unless something drastically changes, we are going to suffer through it again in 2024.
That’s why I’m pleading with you to please, please, please run for president.
Okay, perhaps you are saying to yourself, “I do not like to run. Running is bad for my knees. Can I walk for president?”
Yes, you can walk for president! Have you seen Biden or Trump do any actual running? When Trump had a cold last month, even his nose was walking.
Okay, perhaps you are saying to yourself, “I emigrated from China. I do not have an American birth certificate. Can I run for president?”
Yes, you can run for president! All you need is Adobe Photoshop and a good printer. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Does it really matter where you were born as long as you love America and pledge allegiance to the Golden Arches?
Okay, perhaps you are saying to yourself, “I’ve been a receptionist most of my life. I would love to try a second career, but I am 65. Am I too young to run for president?”
No, you are not too young to run for president! You can be as young as 35 and still run for president. At 65, you are the perfect age to run. You’ve got so many downward slopes to enjoy. It’s one of the benefits of being over the hill.
Please stop looking for excuses to not run for president. Too young, too old; too small, too tall; too broke, too woke. None of this matters. What matters is that you care about your fellow Americans and don’t want them to suffer through Biden-Trump 2.0.
Yes, I know there are other candidates. But do you know how far behind they are in the race? If this were a marathon — a 26-mile race — Trump would be at Mile 25, heading rapidly toward the finish line, while the rest of the field — Nikki Haley, Vivek Ramaswamy, Asa Hutchinson, etc. — would be at Mile 3, trying their best to find the shortcut that Trump used.
America has a population of 332 million people. Surely we can find enough good people to run for president. For my part, I’m trying to recruit anyone I meet, including my retired neighbor Ron.
Me: “Hi Ron. How would you like to run for president?”
Ron: “President? You think I could?”
Me: “Yes, of course. The Republican Party needs you.”
Ron: “But I’m not good at lying.”
Me: “You don’t have to be good at lying.”
Ron: “I’ve never cheated on my wife.”
Me: “You don’t have to cheat on your wife.”
Ron: “I love people of all races.”
Me: “You don’t have to tell anyone that.”
I wasn’t able to persuade Ron, but perhaps I can persuade you.
If you are a doctor, think of the prescriptions you can write for America’s ailing healthcare system.
If you are an electrician, think of the crowds you can electrify with your speeches.
If you are a rancher, think of the animals you can corral in Congress.
Someone needs to save America — and it could be YOU!
If you are 90 years old and sitting around at home, wondering what to do for the rest of your life, I have a suggestion: Please walk for president. Your country needs you!