Do Your Part to Help the Economy

Mecole Hardman, a wide receiver for the Kansas City Chiefs, recently threw a remote at his wide-screen TV while watching his team play the San Diego Chargers. 

Hardman was injured and could not play in the football game. His frustration apparently boiled over when the Chargers took the lead in the final minutes.  

Hardman tweeted a photo of the TV with its cracked screen and iridescent lines. “Now I gotta go get a new TV,” he wrote. 

You may think that Hardman needs anger management therapy, and perhaps you’re right. But I also want to give credit to Hardman for doing his part to help the economy. 

Everybody needs to do their part to help the economy. Some people help the economy by making things, other people help the economy by breaking things. 

When you break something, you usually have to replace it by buying something new. As any economist will tell you, consumer spending helps drive the economy. The more you buy, the more manufacturers have to produce. This contributes to the gross domestic product (GDP) of a country. It also ensures that factories can employ workers. Trust me, there are at least a few workers in TV factories in Japan who owe their jobs to people breaking their TVs. 

It happens more often than you think. During the recent World Cup, for example, a man in Buenos Aires, Argentina, was watching the Argentina-Mexico match, standing right in front of his wide-screen TV. When Lionel Messi scored a goal, the man got so excited that he punched the TV. The screen went blank and somewhere in Japan, a worker cheered. 

Argentina beat Mexico 2-0, yet at least one TV was broken in the country. Can you imagine how many TVs were smashed during Argentina’s opening loss to Saudi Arabia?   

Argentina ended up winning the World Cup, while neighboring Brazil lost in the quarterfinals. It’s safe to assume that Brazil suffered many more TV deaths than Argentina.  

No one keeps statistics on dead TVs, of course. But it’s clear to me that while most TVs suffer natural deaths, many suffer accidental deaths and a significant number are lost through televicide. 

During my lifetime, I’ve lost several TVs due to natural causes. Old age affects TVs in a variety of ways. In many cases, they lose their ability to produce a clear picture or accurate colors. When Priyanka Chopra starts to look like Deepak Chopra, it’s time to get a new TV. 

In some cases, old TVs just stop operating completely, and almost always when you are about to watch something important, such as Monday Night Football. This happened to me once and all I could do was grab a pair of binoculars and be thankful that my neighbor had a wide-screen TV. Just wish he didn’t drop his pants every time the Cowboys scored. 

Accidental deaths occur when a TV is dropped, an object is accidentally thrown at the TV, or a drunk person accidentally runs into the TV, perhaps while trying to hug Priyanka Chopra. 

Televicide is not as common as accidental death but still results in a significant number of TV deaths. Deliberately throwing an object at the TV or punching the TV are the two most common forms of televicide, but there are also cases of people tossing their TVs through windows or shooting their TVs point blank. 

In 2016, a man and woman in Horizon City, Texas, had an argument over a country music video that was playing on a TV. The man took out a Colt .45 handgun and shot the TV. Police officers arrested the man and charged him with deadly conduct. The TV was pronounced dead on the scene. Resuscitation efforts failed. 

I don’t own a gun and have never felt the urge to throw anything at my TV, not even during a Donald Trump speech. I want my TV to live a long, happy life. That’s why I give it plenty of sleep during the day and feed it only Lean Cuisine for its TV dinners. 

Please don’t hold it against me. I’ll try my best to help the economy in other ways. 

Image courtesy of (Photo from Wikipedia Commons: A worker on a TV assembly line.) 

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