MELVIN DURAI'S HUMOR COLUMN

Three Takeaways From The Attempted Assassination

Wednesday, 24 Jul, 2024
(Screengrab from news telecast - shared by Melvin Durai)

Most young people in America had never experienced anything close to what happened on July 13, 2024, in Butler, Pennsylvania. 

Many years from now, they will find themselves asking each other, “Where were you when you heard the news that someone had shot Donald Trump’s ear?”

Americans of all political stripes are thankful that the bullets from 20-year-old Thomas Crooks’ AR-15-style semiautomatic rifle were off-target. But they did kill a Trump supporter, injured two others, and caused a lot of needless pain and trauma. 

During times of crisis like this, I can’t help admiring all the journalists who have to rapidly report the news and do it as accurately as possible.  The editors of The New York Times had to quickly shift their focus from “Is Joe Biden too old?” and “Will he be replaced?” to “Who shot Donald Trump?” and “Is Joe Biden too old to have done it?”

Here are three quick takeaways from the attempted assassination:

The Secret Service Messed Up Big-time: Yes, they did. Ordinary citizens were able to spot the gunman crawling up a roof, but neither Secret Service agents nor local police officers were able to spot him or react to his presence until he fired his weapon. The Secret Secret was expected to protect Trump, but failed to secure every building within shooting distance. As it turns out, Trump might have been safer if his security had been crowd-sourced to his rabid supporters. 

“Hey Joe, you keep an eye on that building over there. Don’t let anyone get on the roof.”

“Okay, Jim. But isn’t it too far away?”

“Nope, it’s within earshot.”

One hour later:

“Jim, there was a guy here with a ladder and a rifle. I took care of him.”

“What did you do?”

“Pulled the ladder away while he was climbing. He’s out cold.”
Don’t Blame Guns: You may be tempted to blame guns for the attempted assassination, but just ask any gun rights activist and they will tell you that it was guns that prevented more bloodshed. As soon as Crooks fired his semiautomatic rifle, Secret Service agents fired back, eliminating him as a threat. The problem isn’t that a 20-year-old was able to get his hands on a semiautomatic rifle. The problem is that the other citizens who spotted him did not have guns. They could have taken him out before the Secret Service agents did. We need more guns at Trump rallies.

Blame the Other Side: It didn’t take long for fingers to be pointed. Hearing that Crooks was a registered Republican, Democrats were quick to call it a “Republican on Republican” crime or a “Crooks on Crook” crime. But Crooks once made a $15 donation to the Progressive Turnout Project, which allowed Republicans to point fingers in the other direction. 

“He’s one of yours!”

“No, he’s one of yours!”

“We don’t believe in political violence, unlike Trump. We don’t spread hatred, unlike Trump.”

“Do you hate Trump?”

“Yes.”

“I rest my case.”