The signature song of the legendary singer Neil Sedaka is called “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.” It includes these lyrics: “I beg of you, don't say goodbye. Can't we give our love another try? Come on, baby, let's start anew, 'cause my butt has a tattoo of you.”
No, that's not exactly how it goes. But breaking up is truly hard to do. Many people have suffered painful breakups and so have entire countries, such as when Britain broke up with the European Union. Countless tears were shed around the continent.
EU: “Please don’t leave!”
UK: “I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.”
EU: “I know. But everyone thinks we look good together. Are you sure you don’t want to go for relationship counseling?”
UK: “Some relationships are just not meant to be.”
EU: “Can we still be friends?”
UK: “I suppose.”
EU: “Friends with benefits?”
UK: “Don’t push your luck”
Considering all the complications, the breakup of the UK and EU was relatively peaceful. That’s not the case with many breakups. It’s quite common, unfortunately, for one of the parties, usually the scorned lover, to completely lose their minds, go utterly crazy. That’s what happened recently in Port Orchard, Washington. A 50-year-old man violated an order of protection and broke into his ex-girlfriend’s house to tell her that he was running off with a female named Polly.
No, Polly was not his new girlfriend. Polly was his ex-girlfriend’s chicken. She kept Polly as a pet inside her home and her ex-boyfriend decided to abduct Polly. “I’ve got Polly!” he shouted several times, before running into the nearby forest with the chicken. I don’t know what was going on in his mind. Perhaps he thought that he hadn’t fowled up the relationship enough. Perhaps he belonged to a chauvinistic men’s group that convinced him that “if you can’t get the chick, get the chicken.” Perhaps he was just looking for a way to get free eggs.
Whatever his reasons, he was quickly apprehended after his ex-girlfriend called 911 and members of the Kitsap County Sheriff's Office tracked the man down in the woods. “Don’t hurt my chicken,” the man said, while crying and clutching the chicken, suggesting that perhaps he had wanted joint custody of Polly.
You won’t be surprised to learn that the man had been released from jail just a couple of hours earlier. And he was soon behind bars again, while Polly was safely back in his ex-girlfriend’s home again. Some relationships are just not meant to be.
Breakups can be extremely painful, but the worst thing you can do is force yourself upon another person. So what should you do when someone has rejected you? One option is to keep trying to win their heart. This can be quite successful, especially if you’re in a romantic movie. It sometimes works in real life too, but you have to tread very carefully, because there’s a fine line between persistence and stalking. You might think you’re just courting and asking for a date, but the police might give you a court date.
Another option is to move on with your life, as painful as that might be. Tell yourself that success is the best revenge and that your ex may come crawling back to you eventually. This does happen sometimes, especially if you’re in a movie. But more likely, the relationship will just be another chapter in your life and you’ll end up with someone else, someone more suitable for you.
Whatever you choose to do, please resist the temptation to abduct a chicken. It’s just not worth it, no matter the price of eggs.
