By Sakshi Arora
A little girl wants to be a journalist, so she writes stories and looks for the truth; a boy has been learning music for years and visualizes performing before a large audience; another person draws and designs for hours every week and dreams of working in fashion.
However, for many young people, these dreams do not come true, as they may be pressured by their parents to take on safer, more accepted, or financially secure careers.
In India and elsewhere in the world, parental expectations have a strong influence on educational and career decisions. Most parents mean well, wanting their children to have stability. However, many experts question whether parental guidance crosses into parental pressure.
As jobs increase in competition and society’s expectations continue to grow, many youths experience a tug-of-war between their dreams and their parents’ vision for their future. Mental health professionals warn that these struggles are leading to an increase in youth experiencing anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion.
Mental health data worldwide are indicative of a growing concern. The World Health Organization estimates one in seven adolescents between 10 and 19 suffers from some form of mental illness; however, anxiety and depression are predominantly present in young people. Suicide is also the third leading cause of death in persons between the ages of 15 and 29 across the world.
According to the WHO, family problems, high expectations, and lack of support or love from support systems can all negatively impact the mental health of adolescents.
Overall, many of the young people suppress their desires in order to meet the expectations of their parents. Psychologists have pointed out that wherever people feel as though they don't have ownership of any part of the major decisions in their lives, then their sense of hopelessness, frustration, and poor self-image is common.
Over time, these thoughts can create issues with confidence, relationships, school performance, and overall well-being. Many of the students believe that they feel "caught" between the desire to make their families happy and the need to be true to themselves.
For example, researchers at University College London found that the level of academic pressure a student experiences during adolescence increases their risk for depression and self-injury later in life.
In addition, students who experience continuing educational pressures earlier in life are more likely to experience difficulties with their mental health later in life. Similarly, the WHO Regional Office for Europe (WHO EURO), in conjunction with the Health Behaviour in School-aged Children study, found that school-related stress has been increasing for adolescents, and support from families is declining.
Concerns about student mental health are increasingly drawing attention to India. Parental expectations, fear of failure, and social comparative pressures are some of the leading factors regarding emotional distress in students, as indicated by experts in education and psychology.
Competitive exams exacerbate this pressure and perpetuate the idea that a single exam score or career will ultimately dictate the course of their whole life.
Research was done on students from Kolkata, and demonstrated evidence of the severity of the issue.
It found that high levels of academic stress can increase the risk of developing depression, substance abuse, and attempted suicide (when juxtaposed with poor or lack of emotional support), establishing an argument for a redefinition or re-evaluation of our definition of success, such that emotional wellness is valued equally along with academic success.
Students worked for years on exams to be able to enter a field they didn't want to go into anyway. Some students gave up their dreams of being an athlete, artist, writer, or entrepreneur because of the fear of failing to meet the expectations set by their parents. Many high-achieving kids never realize all of their potential because they feel that pursuing their true passions would be a way of defying their parents’ expectations from very early on.
Eventually, some of these kids will find success at work, but down the road, they may wonder how much more successful they would have been had they had the guts to pursue their real passion.
Psychologists are adamant that this is important because your aspirations are tied to your identity. Your dreams are a reflection of who you are; your interests, skills, and reasons for getting up each day. If you have been told time and time again that your dreams are not as important as what other people want or expect from you, you may start to doubt yourself and your own worth.
At the same time, experts warn that it’s not fair to hold all parents responsible when so many families are responding to legitimate issues associated with uncertain economies, high costs of living, and increasing competition for jobs.
The reason why many families continue to emphasize obtaining careers that are viewed as stable or secure is because they care about their child’s well-being rather than trying to control them; many traditional parents’ view is that they want to encourage their children to pursue stable careers based on their own experiences with financial instability.
Many of these parents are trying to be “responsible” in the way they encourage their child to pursue a career that will offer the greatest level of security. However, mental health professionals say having good intentions does not always prevent you from creating negative results.
The challenge is balancing providing guidance to children while allowing them to be autonomous. Supporting children doesn’t always mean directing what your child will do for the rest of their life; it involves providing your child with information to assist them in being able to identify different areas of opportunity and risk and then allowing them to determine their future based on their interests, strengths and ambitions.
Many professionals have highlighted the necessity of open communication in families. Young people should be allowed to share their aspirations, doubts, and concerns without the worry of being judged or rejected.
Furthermore, it is equally as important for parents to have a willingness to listen to and support their children in exploring alternative career opportunities, rather than those that have traditionally been expected of them.
Open dialogue on these topics can limit strife within the family and facilitate the process of making sound decisions about their future. Schools can also assist in this area. Career counselling, mentorship programmes, and access to mental health services can allow students to make informed choices when it comes to making appropriate decisions.
Schools can help to bridge the gap between a student's personal desires and the expectations of the outside world by introducing students to a wider array of career opportunities while offering emotional support.
As awareness of mental health continues to grow, experts argue that society must recognize an uncomfortable reality: professional success should not come at the cost of emotional well-being.
Financial security is important, but it cannot replace fulfilment, purpose, and the satisfaction that comes from pursuing meaningful work. Long-term success is often built not only on stability but also on feeling heard, supported, and empowered to make one's own choices.
The debate, therefore, is not about choosing between dreams and reality. It is about finding a balance between the two. Every young person deserves the opportunity to pursue a path that reflects both their talents and aspirations while remaining mindful of practical realities.
As conversations around mental health become more prominent, parents may find that the greatest gift they can offer is not a predetermined future, but the support and freedom necessary for young people to create one for themselves.
(Sakshi Arora studies Media and Public Affairs at Christ (Deemed to be) University, Delhi NCR.)
The views expressed are not necessarily those of The South Asian Times
