By Alice Chen & Krishiv Shah
Alice Chen: I’m an Ivy admissions coach and I love it when parents ask how to support their teens.
This is extremely important, since 32% of American teens are anxious, 22% have seriously considered suicide, and attending a very competitive high school -- just like having an incarcerated parent -- is a major risk factor for mental illness.
For background, I’m a Stanford graduate and journalist who runs a boutique college admissions consultancy. My specialty is using college preparation as a vehicle to build life skills. Over the years I’ve observed many families and here’s what works best:
Let Teens Lead
By the time high-performing teens hit high school, they are internally driven.
I’ve found that when parents push, especially away from a teen’s natural interests, their teens become internally conflicted and insecure.
Trust that your teen will make the right decisions and can create success no matter where she ends up. In fact, that’s one of the primary goals of my coaching -- to teach teens how to achieve their dreams regardless of where they go to college.
Coach, Don’t Command
No one, not even a 2-year old, likes being told what to do.
If you ask questions rather than command, your teen will be more open.
Also, if you ask your teen to collaborate, she will more likely execute.
Unconditional Love
Finally, the most important thing is to show unconditional love.
A parent - child relationship lasts a lifetime.
Where someone goes to college is just a blip in time.
Don’t sacrifice the relationship.
Look your teen in the eye, tell her you see her, you love her, and she will always have a place with you.
That’s the best gift you can give your teen.
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Krishiv Shah: A Teen’s Perspective
As a high school senior and the founder of Kaleidoscope, I’ve lived the pressures Alice describes. For many Indian American teens like me, college isn’t just a goal — it can feel like our identity.
What’s helped me the most is having adults who believe in me without conditions. My parents don’t always understand every essay I write or activity I pursue, but they’ve learned to step back and let me explore what I care about.
Mental health isn’t a separate topic from college admissions. For many of us, they’re intertwined. The best thing any adult can do? Remind us that we are more than our applications — and always will be.
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Krishiv Shah, the founder and submission coordinator of Kaleidoscope, is an Indian-American senior at Syosset High School with aspirations to pursue a degree in South Asian Studies and Business.
Alice Chen is a Top 1?missions coach who also values teen mental health. Her specialty is preparing teens for college -- and life. Learn more at www.BrightStory.info.
