I recently survived a heat wave that confirmed to me that the greatest man in history was the man who invented air conditioning. He was an American engineer named Willis Carrier, inventor of the first electrical air conditioning unit in 1902. The greatest woman in history was his wife, Edith, who said to him, “It’s so freakin’ hot. Do something about it, please!”
Actually, Edith did not use the word “freakin’.” She used a different word that sounds similar. She used the word “friggin’.” What does it mean? I don’t friggin’ know.
Anyway, thanks to Carrier and his wife, Edith, millions of people have been able to stay cool during scorching weather, and so have innumerable creatures living in their houses, including dogs, cats, hamsters and rats. People with air conditioning have been able to survive extreme heat waves, and some have even been able to survive their electric bills.
Even if you do not have AC (or air con as it’s known in the UK), there’s a good chance that you enjoy AC at your job and other places you visit regularly, including stores and restaurants. Indeed, many people feel a sudden urge to go shopping during heat waves. Malls are particularly busy, drawing more hot people than the Academy Awards.
Ramona: “Hi Joanna. Is that your husband, Bob, sitting on the bench? How did you manage to get him to go shopping with you?”
Joanna: “He was so hot at home. I told him he’s either going to the mall or the hospital. Where’s your husband?”
Ramona: “He’s at Best Buy, pretending to buy a TV. Bob should join him.”
Joanna: “Nah, Bob likes sitting on the bench. It reminds him of his days on the high school basketball team.”
In many parts of the world, only a small fraction of people own AC units. That’s what made the recent heat wave in Europe so catastrophic. Some of the casualties occurred in stores as people fought over AC units. Indeed, as The Telegraph reported, about 400 people spent a night queuing outside a Lidl store in Paris to get their hands on AC units. Eight people, including a 12-year-old, were reportedly injured after a customer used pepper spray during a tussle for a unit. Police and firefighters were called to the scene. Many people were pleased when the cops said, “We’re going to take you to the station to cool off.” They knew there’d be AC at the station, as well as in the police cars.
Having air conditioning in cars is something many people take for granted — until it stops working. I know this from personal experience, having driven an old car. Whenever I pushed the AC button, the sun got hotter.
Running the AC in a car uses a little more fuel, but it beats arriving at work drenched in sweat.
Boss: “Did you swim to work?”
Employee: “No, the AC in my car is not working.”
Boss: “Well, you’re not working either. Go home and take a shower!”
Having air conditioning at home helped me survive a recent heat wave, but when it’s not too hot, I prefer to open the windows and use fans. I try not to overuse air conditioning, mostly for health reasons. I don’t want to suffer a heart attack when I open the electric bill.
Fans can be quite effective, especially when they’re powerful enough to create a breeze in your home. Just be careful if you’re wearing a toupee.
The electric fan, in case you’re wondering, was invented in 1882 by an American engineer named Schuyler Wheeler. He had the brainstorm to place a two-bladed propeller on the shaft of an electric motor. He might be the second greatest man in history. Just don’t stick your finger in his invention. As Ariana Grande would tell you, it’s safe to keep a little distance between you and your fans.
